Thursday, August 26, 2010




Mission~~ a joyful burden that God has been placing in my heart, mind and soul all this while. Not sure where He wants me to be, feel pretty much like Abraham at times. "Leave your country, your people and your father's household and go to the land I will show you (Gen 12:1)..." similar kind of message keep lingering in mind. (oh Lord, I don't know what is your plan in my life and I don't have to know all things in fact, all I ask for is a teachable spirit, tender heart, sensitive mind, obedient and faithful whole self in this journey of faith.)
Last sunday I finally plucked up the courage to explore "1 year 1 life" mission program with Pastor Ivan. As the name suggested 1 year 1 life means devote 1 year of your life for mission work at foreign land. We have a small discussion about mission. He encouraged me to join short term mission as a start point. Not sure how other missionaries confirmed God's calling in their lives, all I know was tears welled up in my eyes again and again once this decision was made in my heart. The feeling is like heavy weight been unloaded from shoulder, all I need to do next is allow Him to work out His wonderful plan in my life and trust Him for provision. It is a mixture feeling of "rich" in His presence and "filled" by His Spirit. I cried my heart out to God the whole morning. Suddenly I realized (thanks Holy Spirit for open up the eyes of my heart) that how strong I have been gripping on this wordly land. All this while I have been holding on to my job, graspping on my possesion, seizing my relationship, storing up for myself treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal. For where our treasure is, the our hearts will be also (Matthew 6:19-21). How true and how real such verses are! Don't know since when insecurity and doubt have disguised themselves as excuses such as I still not ready yet (when exactly can someone be ready?), I am not good enough (who in this world is perfect?), I can't contribute much (no contribution is too small in God's sight,a willing heart to do His work is all He ask for), I simply don't have what it takes to be a missionary(He never calls the equipped, He equips the called), I might not secure a job upon returning from mission (He is the ultimate provider, whoever believes in Him never lack anything but He blessed His workers abundantly) etc. In the split second, like the veil that torn into pieces, I found myself stopped making excuses but accepted God's authority in my life. "I am the Lord, Your God." He whispered. My pride, my ego, my all knowing attitude, my grip on the so-called "my" life have been washed away by tears. This reminds me of a phrase that one of my CG's members shared with me - you have to pour yourself out to God in order for God to fill you in. What a beautiful anology of inside out transformation! I let go of ownership in my life and allow God to crown me with the status of God's child. I forgo my sin and accept His righteousness in my life. I give up my self-declared wisdom and receive His truth and life. Lord, I know that sanctification is a life long process, I pray that You continue guide me, hold me tight when I am at the brim of falling, when I am teetering on the edge or tossing to and forth by the waves of doubt, fear and insecurity. May Your perfect love casts out all the negative feeling that arise now and then. May I be made perfect in Your great love.

诗篇 Psalms56:8

Thou tellest my wanderings: put thou my tears into thy bottle: are they not in thy book?
You have seen my wanderings; put the drops from my eyes into your bottle; are they not in your record?
My little whispering to Abba Father:
Father lord, may this fraction of faith of mine be pleasing and acceptable at Your sight. Oh Lord, I am not hoping for only 1 year in my life time to be in Your field but many 1 year to come. If it is really in Your will, do not withold your divine appointment any longer. May You go before me to make all the preparation. All I need to do is to be like Abraham, be still, wait upon You and be obedient. May You continue to grant me an obedient heart to serve You all of my life. Thank you for first loved us. I ask this in Your precious name. Amen.

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