~~Breakthrough~~

Lately I am pretty engaged in the book title "The 21st Century Pastor" by David Fisher.

I particularly like his style of writing. He is sympathetic and tender like a mother on one hand while firm and uncompromised like a father on the other hand. He explains the roller coaster journey of pastorial as a combination of excruciating pain and soaring joy. Though I am not in the ministry yet, at times I just can't help but feel pretty much at the bottom of the pit and sometimes I am overwhelmed with the moutain-top feeling where nothing matters except Jesus Christ.

He points out a very important fact which I have been struggled for quite a while. How prepare are you to be a shepherd? Frankly speaking, most of the times I feel inadequate, imcompetent, imperfect and somehow confused for the call. Who am I that You are so mindful of? I just came to know Christ 4-5 years ago, I finished reading the whole bible only once, I am chinese educated, I can't speak fluent English, I tend to eat too much, I have sweet tooth, I do not have much discipline in studying and meditating on Your words, I do not have much patient, I experience mood swings like any other girls... the list can go on and on....

"The very point of our human weakness was precisely the place of God's power and grace!" What an astonishing statement he had make. When we are empowered to accomplish the humanly speaking impossible task, all the glory, honor, credit and praise go to Him. It leaves no room for us to boast and brag. In our humanity, we tend to puff up with pride when God in His grace chose to perform miracles through us. Who can withstand excessive praises from men without feeling flattering? Who can remain humble all the times? Who can resist the splendor in this passing world without second thought? Who can abstain entirely from the lust of the world? Who can act perfectly all the times? Who can life entirely for Jesus Christ? Who can claim he/she loves Jesus with all his/her heart, mind and soul all the times? Who can love his/her neighbour all the times? Though we are called to spread His words, we are admit it or not just as human and sinful as the people we serve. Jesus knows we will fail in one way or another, that is why He crowned us with the Holy Spirit to guide and lead us. It is by grace and empowerment of the Holy Spirit we are able to breakthrough our old self to serve Him and His people whole-heartedly. Holy Spirit, what a wonderful gift that God had given us to stir up the inward transformation which in turn ignite the outward demonstration of God's love to the world.

Whispering to Abba Father:

Father, help me to see above and beyond all the gigantic intimidation factors that coming like roaring thunders every now and then. Help me to fix my eyes on You and You alone. Many things in the world I might not know and do not need to know, I just need to remember You love me and lay down Your life for me. Help me to guard our very first love with all my might, my strength, my heart and my soul. Walk me through every chapter of life with the confidence and power born of deep and humble dependence on You. Give me a pure and humble heart all the times. Though we are inadequate, thank you for working through our feeble efforts anyway. Help me to understand and etch deeply in my heart the very fact that our work, whether large or small, bears the eternal weight of glory. If our labors produce but one transformed life, it is more than worth the struggle, and heaven sings. Father, pardon my stubborn and slowness in learning Your truth and wisdom. I am sorry for the time when my knowledge puffs up and inflate with pride. I am sorry for the time when anger seems to overtake my calm. I am sorry for searching aimlessly instead of wait upon You under Your feet. I am sorry for the time when I chose to mute my ears to Your Word, blind my eyes to Your glory but speak like a fool. Father, I pray that Your word continue like the lamp to my feet and light for my path, just enough to illuminate the next step in life. Whether You chose to reveal a glimpse of Your glory to me or not, it does not change the fact that You love me. Amen!

John 14:25-27
25"All this I have spoken while still with you. 26But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. 27Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.